we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
