How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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