Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
