Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
