I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
