dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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