I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
