Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just cropdusted the office
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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