jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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