I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
