I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
