i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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