9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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