I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
