We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
