Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
