You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I still have a little drunk in my system
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
