do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
