True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So many bounce houses so little time
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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