I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
