I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
