My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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