Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
