So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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