I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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