Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
