you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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