She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
