It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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