genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
