My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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