"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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