I am puke
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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