I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
