do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize