How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
