I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
