apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
