Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
