Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
