I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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