I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
