I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
