So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
