It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
