The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
