Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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