she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
