Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
