Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
