I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
