it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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