some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
