How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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