if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
