Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
only if we run a train.
done.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
