I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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