everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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