why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize