And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
