dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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