The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
