clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
