We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pants are for mortals
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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