I'm lost and stupid without you.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
