I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
