the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
