I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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