I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
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Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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