Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
