theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
