That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
