Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
