hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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