Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
