I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
