dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
