I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
