My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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