Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize